Tara Bad

Nibblet told me her mum's funeral is tomorrow. Okay, so, she didn't exactly tell me, so much as I overheard her talking to a friend as she walked by. It's in the afternoon so I can't go. I'd like to. Joyce was nice to me. Guess I could do something though.

I’m going out.

****

That buggering ponce is a sodding poor excuse for a human being. I try to do something nice and what bloody happens? Ponce tells me I can't. Who does he think he is? Was just gonna leave some flowers for Joyce. That's it. Just flowers. Buggering ponce was all convinced I had some ulterior motive in mind. What the fuck? I just want… bugger it. Sod it. That's it. I can't take this anymore. Whatever. Sod 'em.

Sod the Scoobies. Sod the funeral. Sod 'em all. I can't take this shit from them anymore. What does it bloody take? Why do I even care? I don't bloody like the lot of 'em. I feel the incredible need to kill something.

I'm going out.

****

Yeah, so, last night's foray into the realm of killing demon things that aren't me was as eventful as paint drying. Dammit. Now I'm stuck in this bloody crypt with nothing to do until it gets dark and no one's coming to talk to me and see how well I'm taking all of this. I'm not human so I don't have feelings and don't care about anyone but m'self, eh? Well, most times, that's probably true, but I liked Joyce. Marshmallows and cocoa and whackin' me in the head with an axe aside, she was a nice lady. Matter of fact, I respect a woman who defends her children. Don't recall anyone else's parents whackin' me in the head with something thinking I was gonna kill their child. Good on her.

This is depressing. I'm gonna sleep.

****

It's dark now.

I'm going out. And how many times have I said that to m'self lately?

****

Well, what do we have here? Little girl playing in the dirt with dark magic toys nearby. "I hope it's just dirt you're after."

Scared the Little Bit, I did. She thinks I'm gonna run off and tell Buffy what she's up to. Not a chance. Got m'own little plan. "I'm not gonna tell, Little Bit. I'm gonna help."

****

Shit. Bit needed some hard-to-get stuff for that spell of hers. Had to rough and tumble with a Ghora demon to get some egg. Hope this turns out well for the Nibblet - if she even goes through with it. But after that fight to get that egg, she damned well better.

Blood and Scotch. Well that would be great, but I drank the last of the Scotch mourning the Lady Summers couple nights back, so I'm stuck with either year-old Wheatbix or beer. Guess which I'm choosing?

A timid knock at my door. Wonder who that could be. I stumble to the door, trip on the damned steps and scrape m'hand, and manage to get the bloody thing open. "'Lo, love."

Tara waves a hand in front of her face. Guess my beer-blood breath isn't very pleasant. She blinks and looks up at me. "Hi, Spike."

That's not happy-witch Tara. "Somethin' wrong, pet?" I sway, but manage to stay on m'feet. Probably shouldn't have had the whole case of beer before I started putting it in m'blood, huh?

"Wanted to see how you were doing. Obviously not very well."

"I'm fine. Wanna come in?" I swing my left arm to invite her in and end up banging m'head against the door.

"Probably should. Someone has to make sure you don't kill yourself." She steps into the crypt, helps me shut the door, then, return to m'chair. I bloody miss and end up on the floor. Good thing I wasn't holdin' m'drink at the time.

I lower my head and wrap my fingers around m'neck, elbows restin' on my knees. Then I feel her soft fingers brush over my hair and along my arm. "Spike, is this all about Joyce?"

I shake m'head. It's really not. There's more.

"What is it? You can talk to me." She kisses my head, my fingers, my ear, my cheek, any part of my face she can reach. I lift my head and she kisses away the few tears then presses her lips to mine. Soft, sweet, warm.

"Lonely," I say when she pulls away.

She gives me a hurt look. "What? Why didn't you say something?"

I chuckle and she frowns. "Say something? Funny. They don't want me around, why would they care if I needed company?"

Instead of answering, she slides herself onto my lap and kisses me. Gently pressing her lips to mine, nipping lightly, reaching with her hands to draw mine away from my neck. Sometimes she just does everything right. I really should tell her to go, but her warm body against mine is too comfortable and soothing. I want her. Want her to stay. My hands come to rest on her legs, just below her knees. Her soft skin, warm, smooth; I slide my hands under her skirt, up her legs, to her hips. She threads her fingers into my hair and just keeps kissing me - soft, sweet, firey, passionate all rolled up together. Then, she's walking her hands down my chest to my waist and unbuttoning and unzipping my jeans. A groan escapes my throat when I feel her hands…

I pull away from her kiss. "Tara, love, I don't…." She puts a finger to my lips.

"Shhh. Don't talk. Don't think." She kisses me again, her hands on my shoulders now, and moves herself into position. So soft. So warm. So nice to me. Demon side or human side - either one - and I just don't understand. She moves so gracefully; so gently. Her breathing is a smooth rhythm and her kisses are full of fire.

I wrap my arms around her and bury my face against her neck as she rocks against me. I inhale and she smells so damned good. Clean, like always, but now there's a hint of peaches or some summer fruit. Her soap or her shampoo or some body mist. Very feminine. Very Tara. Oh… please no. Please, not just Tara. The demon's one who's supposed to do this. If this is just Tara…

I feel her climax and I'm right there with her. I can't stop it. She kisses me hard, but not punishing. I try to push her away, get her off me, but she holds on and whispers to me, little things that I can't really understand, but they're soothing and comforting and I just nuzzle my nose against her warm neck and inhale again. So soft. So warm. So tired.

****

My eyes open and I'm a little confused. My arm is draped over a soft warm body… that belongs to the girlfriend of the slayer's best friend and oh, I'm in such deep shit if they find out about this. But she feels so good. I just draw her nearer, cradle m'head against her neck and go back to sleep.

Something moves against me, soft, warm, human. I roll over and open my eyes to find the blonde witch staring back at me in wide-eyed horror. Never a good sign. "Oh, God. What have I done?" she whimpers, tugging my T-shirt around her upper body.

"What?" I'm still a little groggy - too much alcohol, not enough sleep.

She looks down and sighs - seemingly in relief that there is a blanket pulled to her waist, and mine. "Spike," she says and tries to look at me, but turns away. "Spike, last night, oh dear, l-last night, it w-wasn't the demon."

"What?" the only word I can currently speak apparently. There are others in my head, but I can't get them to cross m'lips.

"Not the demon." She sits up and looks right at me, still clutching my T-shirt to her chest. "The demon didn't draw me here. The demon didn't h-have s-sex with you." Her head lowers and tears fall from her eyes. "It was all me."

"Why?" Ooh. New word.

"Huh?" She looks at me again, confused.

"Why did you come here then?" I ask, pushing myself into a sitting position.

"To see how you were doing. Dawn said she talked to you and said you seemed a little down. I wanted to help. But not this way. Willow's going to hate me." She bows her head into her hands and my shirt and starts sobbing.

Crying. Not again. "Look, love," I can't talk to her like this; with her thinking she did something horrible. "Come here." I pull her to me, my arms around her. "Pet, thank you."

"For what?" She sniffles against my chest, the T-shirt having slipped down to her waist. "Being a slut?"

Shit. Now she thinks… oh bugger. "No, love. You're not… You care too much. You helped me though."

She raises her head and sniffles again. "I did?"

I nod. "The demon could never have done what you did last night. The tender touches, the soft whispers - all the things you did and said to ease m'mind. Only Tara could do that. Not some demon inside Tara. Thank you."

"Buffy's stupid," she says. Hell, I could have told her that. "She says you can't feel. She's wrong. An unfeeling being can't do what you do. Plus, if you can't feel, then I can't feel and I know I can." Babbling Tara. She get that from Red or she just like that anyway?

"Yeah, well," I cock my head to one side. "I'm sorry you had to resort to carnal pleasures to help me."

She blushed bright red. "Why? They never bothered you before."

"Yeah, but the demon was driving then. I never touched you if the demon was dormant." I shrug. "'Cept for a few kisses."

I can see her working on that for a minute. She looks at me and tears roll down her cheeks again. "I wish I could stop it, but I don't know how."

"Tell Red. She'll fix it."

She shakes her head. "I can't tell her about this."

I almost laugh. A smile does crack m'lips though. "No, love, not about everything. Just about the demon."

"Oh. Maybe." She frowns. "But, wouldn't that mean that you wouldn't have some kind of playmate again?"

Why does she ask questions like that? If I wanted… ah hell. "Why don't you run on home, love? And stop coming by here - demon driving or not."

"But, I thought… I th-thought you were lonely?"

I shrug again. "I am, but I'll get over it." Got m'self a little present waiting for me.

The little blonde witch tugs on her clothes hastily and one shoe, then bounces around trying to find the other one. I reach under the chair and pull out her dainty, well, maybe not so dainty in size, just in appearance, feminine shoe and wave it in the air. I'm still naked and she blushes when she comes to retrieve the shoe from me. I hold onto it a little tighter than I need to keep it from her, but I want to tell her something before she scurries off.

"I meant what I said, love. Thank you."

She blinks back tears and gives me a smile. "You're welcome. I wish I could've done something better."

I give her a nod and let go of her shoe. "Bye, love."

"Bye, Spike." She puts on her shoe and darts out the door, into the bright sunlight and I'm left alone… again.

But not for long.

Part X