Enemies with Benefits - The Beginning

A "Choose Your Own Adventure" Fanfic

By: Highlander II

Rating: R (leaning toward NC-17 for imagery); language, homoerotic sexual situations
Spoilers: BtVS S1-S7
Summary: Secret Santa gift for Blue Icy Rose. Spike and Xander take a walk down memory lane and have a bit of fun. Disclaimer: Characters belong to Joss Whedon and are property of Kuzui/Kuzui Entertainment, Mutant Enemy Productions, WB, UPN, FOX etc. etc.
Feedback: Highlander II

"How do you think she found out?"

I look up at my coffee drinking companion with an arched eyebrow. "What are you on about, Harris?"

He grunts and grumbles and sighs. "Nancy. How do you think she found out?"

"About what?" And who the bleeding hell is Nancy?

Harris rolls his eyes and blows out a huff of breath across the table. "About us," he whispers through his teeth. What? Like anyone around here's even listening.

My brow furrows. "What about us?" That he's a big nancy-boy and I'm an insane vampire?

He's gawking at me like I've grown a second head. Too bad I haven't, might help. "You know." Then there's a series of facial ticks, obviously some secret code I'm supposed to understand.

"Would you spit it out, Harris? People are starting to give you weird looks." I snort. "Weirder looks."

"Funny, soul-boy." Has he snapped out of the stupid finally? "But seriously, Spike, how do you think Nancy found out that you and I... you know..." there's more facial twitching, so that's a 'no'.

Think I know what he's on about now though. "Bollocks, Harris. It was a shag. And it wasn't even that good."

While I'm waiting for him to choke on his cappuccino, let me say that he wasn't as bad as I made it sound. He's actually rather good. Better than Anya - which is saying something given her years of experience. Now, while he didn't exactly suggest the activity itself, he made a number of obvious hints. And he wasn't even drunk.

"Spike," he growls at me. "Shhhh."

I roll my eyes. "Harris, no one here cares. Really. They all have their own problems."

"Yes, but I don't want them to know my problems too."

I sigh. Then I blink and shake my head, trying to get the image of Buffy standing next to him to go away. What's she doing here? Thought she was patrolling or whittling stakes or something.

"Spike, are you all right?"

"Not here. No, you're not here. Just go. Go. Not here now."

"Okay, I think it's time to herd you back home, vampire guy." Harris bodily lifts me from the chair and tosses money on the table for the drinks.

It doesn't do any good. She's following us. Is she gonna watch? Or is she gonna join in or just babble in m'head until I scream? "Not here. If we're quiet it won't know where we are."

"Spike, you're going to make me crazy. Just come on."


The next thing I know, we're back in his apartment and he's trying to shove me into the closet. So what if it's now my room, it's still a closet. I push against the doorframe and I'm a lot stronger than he is.

"Get. In. Your. Room."

"No!" I push hard once and get free of his feeble grip. "I'm not tired."

Xander picks himself up from the floor and brushes himself off. "Too bad. Go."

I sigh tiredly. "Just wanna watch the telly for a bit. Got a problem with that?"

His attempt to hide the growl when he answers is less than stellar. "Fine. Whatever. But don't leave the apartment."

I snap a salute at him. "Sir, yes, sir." What a wanker. I just want to watch the telly and pretend I don't have voices talkin' to me and hallucinations lookin' like Buffy. It's harder to do locked in that tiny closet by myself.

"Shut up, Spike."


There's this annoying shaking going on and if it doesn't stop I'm gonna be putting a hurt on someone.

"Spike, you dumbass, wake up before you end up a crispy critter." A brief pause. "And why do I care again?"

"'Cause Slayer'd have your head you let me burn," I moan and roll myself off the couch and to my feet.

He sighs. "Yeah, you have a point, but get up and move somewhere shadow-y or I'll tell her you killed yourself."

I snort. "She wouldn't believe you."

He rolls his eyes and goes to his room. Oh, he looks less like a petulant child than that sounds. It's actually a nice view. Speaking of the view, I think I know what he was on about before.

"Harris, that thing earlier..." I start.

He gives me a look over his shoulder. "What thing?"

"With that bird, Nancy."

I watch as his face turns bright red. "What about it?"

"Did you mean that time you went walk-about after your not-wedding?" I ask, with a wicked grin beneath the surface of course.

"Shut up."

"You mean that time you asked me to let you stay in m'crypt and said ya'd pay me not to tell your mates where you were?"

"Shut up, Spike."

"You mean that time you asked me to teach you what it's like...?"

"Shut. Up."

"You mean that time you begged me to take you from behind?"

"SHUT UP... or I'll shut you up!"

"Yeah? How?"

If Xander hits Spike... click here

If Xander kisses Spike... click here