The Christmas Song - Spike's Version
by: Highlander II
Rating: PG-13: language
Summary: Another Christmas, another song; more carolers to eat.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Joss Whedon and are property of Kuzui/Kuzui Entertainment, Mutant Enemy Productions, WB, UPN, FOX etc. etc. "The Christmas Song" written by Torme/Wells. No copyright infringement intended; 'tis all in fun.
Feedback: Highlander II
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Oh please, not again. I don't think I can take much more of this.
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
In California? I don't bloody think so.
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
Or by the evil sodding caroling types who sniff me out Every. Sodding. Year. Bugger off.
And folks dressed up like Eskimos
*blinks and looks very confused* I don't think there are any Eskimos in LA.
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Whoa! Hold up - mistletoe. Yeah, okay, we can have that. Who's under it with me? That Slayer - no, the other one - her. That'd be good. Sorry, Blondie, you're off the list.
help to make the season bright
Thought the lights did that.
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Kids? Now you've gone and brought kids here? Sod this. Can't play under the mistletoe with a bunch o' lil'nibblets runnin' around.
will find it hard to sleep tonight
They're not the only ones.
They know that Santa's on his way
Thought Anya cleared up this whole Santa thing. He disembowels children. These tots sure they wanna wait for him?
He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
*sigh* And the myth lives on. Please.
And every mother's child is gonna spy
What about every father's child? They gonna do anything? Oh, right, shoot cork-pop guns at these bloody singers!
to see if reindeer really know how to fly
They do know how to fly. Just they usually don't. People started makin' fun, there was badness, it was a whole big thing. Very ugly.
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
Go. The. Hell. Home. That's my simple phrase.
to kids from one to ninety-two
I'm thinking that if someone's ninety-two, he's not so much a kid as nearing worm-food.
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Too many times and too many ways - will ya'll please shut up already?
Merry Christmas to you