Tara Bad

"You son of a bitch!" Tara stomps into my home and starts poking her finger at me. She better watch it or I'll bite it off. "How could you possibly do something like that?" she shrieks at me.

I scowl and glare at her.

"Please don't tell me you're going to blame this on me. Because I had nothing to do with this. I didn't tell you to do that. I would never…"

"Shut up. I don't owe you anything. Not an explanation. Not an apology. Nothing. What I do on my own time is up to me. You don't like it, you can get the hell out!"

She tries very hard to match my scowl - good luck, Blondie. "You are an evil bastard."

"That's what I've been trying to tell people for YEARS! Nice to know someone's finally listening!"

She stalks around the crypt, flashing glances at me from across the room. "Why are you so angry? What the hell prompted that little stunt the other night?"

I blink. "E-V-I-L," I spell out pointing to myself. "What part of that are you people not understanding?"

She shakes her head. "No. I think it's something else. You've been helping us out for a while. Then you do something like this? What is really going on with you?"

She wants to know what's going on? Yeah, sure. I'm going to tell her that I've been miserable since she decided to stop visiting me? That it's been horribly lonely here, 'cept the few times Nibblet's stopped by? Not a chance in hell. I stalk across the floor toward her.

"What are you…." She's pushing against my chest, hard, trying to force me away from her. I'm not trying to hurt her, just, hell, I don't know. "Spike, let me go." Her voice is firm, unwavering, but not violent or angry. "Spike, please. I don't want to be here. Not with you."

"So, you just came to kick me like everyone else, huh?"

"No." She lowers her eyes. "I shouldn’t have come here angry. That was wrong. But, Spike," she raises her eyes to mine again, "you shouldn't do things like that. Kidnapping Buffy?"

I let her go and back away. "Whoa. What do you mean 'kidnap'? There was no kidnapping. She came here all on her own. Drusilla stunned her with a cattle prod."

"And you didn't stop her?"

"Stop Drusilla? Funny." I turn away and look for my recently misplaced bottle of Scotch. Finding it, I twist the cap off and take a pull from the bottle. "I stunned Dru, though. Tied 'em both up."

"Spike?"

"I just wanted her to listen to me. Talk to me. Like you do. Or did." I turn around again and she has this look of hurt on her face. "Don't."

"Don't what?" she asks, calm, almost weary.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like I'm a lost puppy that you have to shelter. I can take care of m'self."

"I know that," she says quietly. "Spike, what's really wrong? Did I do something?"

I frown. What the hell? "Bloody well right, you did!" I shout, not really sure why, but it's how it came out. She starts and blinks at me. I just shake my head and turn away, drinking from the bottle of Scotch again.

"Okay. So, what did I do? Leave you? We weren't together. Not like Willow and I are. You knew that from the beginning. You even told me I didn't have to come here. So, why is this different? I'm confused."

She's confused? She's not the one who's supposed to be evil and a demon and killing for fun and can't because some government nits decided it was a great idea to control natural desires with a computer chip. Or, maybe she is kind of like that. "Why did you start coming here?" I ask, not looking at her. Easier this way.

"What?" she returns. Stalling for time, I expect. "You know why."

"So I wouldn't tell your mates you're part demon? Yeah. Maybe at first, but I told you I wouldn't say anything. You kept coming anyway. Why?" Still not looking at her. Might be easier for her this way too. What a pair of chickenshits we are.

"I - I don't know," she stutters.

"There has to be some reason," I say as I turn to face her, the bottle of Scotch still clutched in my hand.

She lowers her head. "I don't know. But I couldn't stop myself. Something drew me here. Most nights I didn't even want to come, but something, something inside made me walk here and be with you." And she starts to cry. Not sobs, just tears, rolling down her face, dripping to the floor, making little clean-like, wet spots at her feet.

What the hell am I supposed to do now? I can tell her to go, but she might cry more. I can ask her to stay, but that might make this even more complicated. Shit.

"I b-better… I s-should just go." She wipes a hand under her eyes. "I-I need to fix w-whatever this is." She starts for the door.

I frown. "Hold it." She turns back to me. "You're trying to do magic to get rid of whatever demon's possessed you?" Haven't they learned? Magic gets you into trouble. Thought Red learned that lesson last year and passed it on to everyone else.

"I'm n-not possessed. And, no, I'm not d-doing magic to get rid of it." She's stutterring again. "I'm… I'm just trying to keep myself under c-control. It's hard. Harder when I'm here. Spike," I look at her, her sad eyes, her tired face, she continues, "I don't want to leave you alone. I know it gets lonely here for you. But, I can't stay."

I nod. Best I can do. I know she's right. It is lonely here in this crypt. Even Harmony's company would be better than none - and I can't believe I'd ever say that. Soldier Boy would be a welcome change, even if we would spend the time fighting or commiserating. Company's company. I look her straight in the face and lie: "I'm fine. I like being here alone. No one in m'way. Run on back to your friends."

She smiles at me. Just a soft little smile before she turns to go. Dammit.

Part VII